2 spies dating the same girl

is a confused film that attempts to be the ultimate date movie, pitting two best friend super-spies against one another for the hand of the girl they both fancy.

Dripping in eye candy for women and full of -style “witticisms” about penises while boasting less-than-inspired action, few men are likely to come out of this feeling they got a fair share.

Of course, the friends soon realise they’re dating the same girl, and a high-tech pissing contest soon begins as they use the CIA’s facilities to recon their target, find out what she likes and sabotage each other’s efforts to woo her. Not only have they bugged her apartment, but their competitiveness over her reduces Lauren to little more than a sack of meat prize with all spoils going to the victor. Bolstered by her jealous, seemingly miserable married best friend (Chelsea Handler), she proceeds to date two men at once because, sure, guys do it all the time.

This means they can watch each other trying to seduce her and also eavesdrop as she gets advice from Trish (Chelsea Handler), her BFF.

Often they review the surveillance videos together.

The writing is simply abominable, featuring some of the laziest dialogue you will find.

The agents’ boss talks like a mission guide between computer game levels.

One of Chelsea Handler’s Carrie Bradshaw-est moments, where she compares a man’s penis to a poltergeist, sounds like it was written by picking nouns at random out of a bowl.

Determined to ruin the manlier aspects of the film too, the shaky action sequences are shot by a cameraman who appears to have a bee inside trousers.

The film is so convinced it is a modern tale about a woman getting to choose between two near-perfect men, but really it’s more conservative than and without a fraction of the charm.

And all this might be excusable if it was well made, but it isn’t.

Women are portrayed as irrational, self-centred, needy and borderline bipolar.

Sure, men get it pretty bad too – they’re portrayed as being aggressive, competitive and insecure – but comparatively these character defects seem hardly as negative.

Bane of Gotham City Tom Hardy and Chris 'Captain Kirk' Pine square up for romantic rivalry as a pair of CIA hotshots who discover they are dating the same woman: the delectable but devious Reese Witherspoon.