When you’re in love, you want to know where you fit on the priority list.
I’m pretty sure it’s because my birthday is the next week, and I’ve never tried to reverse the childhood idea that all of the flowers, balloons,...Read more Dear Sara: I started dating someone in the beginning of November.We all long to be understood, supported, loved, and accepted. There’s a scene in the 1996 movie ‘Jerry Maguire’, where Tom Cruise famously says to Renée Zellweger, “You Complete Me”.It’s a dry your eyes romantic moment, but it’s at the heart of what goes wrong […] Read more Being married for any length of time is truly an accomplishment these days.Read more Can mindfulness and online dating coexist?
Let’s be honest – browsing the wilderness of online dating can feel like sending your ego straight into a land mine field.These needs may be simple, […] Read more You and your partner were drawn together for many reasons–physical attraction, common interests, and more.For weeks and maybe months, the two of you got better acquainted, got closer, and everything looked positive.Some of the spouses simply guessed (e.g.,"Ernie would never use a credit card! Others had to write about a typical day in their partner's life, and then "put themselves in his or her shoes" before predicting (e.g., "Ernie works so hard all day at the bank, and he resents even paying five dollars for lunch; he would never use a credit card.") The result: Those who tried to imagine the other's perspective were less accurate than those who winged it—confirming Epley's real-life experience of giving his dolphin-loving wife a day of caring for the animals at the aquarium, not realizing that, since she'd just had a baby, she would not enjoy the binding, full-body wetsuit.While understanding that your partner may have a different take than you is helpful, he writes in Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, you don't always imagine your partner's actual "different take." The best way to get your partner's point of view, he says, is to simply—oh yes, you saw this coming—ask for it.Just last week a woman asked how long I had been married and when I said forty years this July, her eyes got huge and she said, “To the same person? ” When we got married, people were taking bets […] Read more Sometimes the very things we find attractive in someone may actually be warning signs that they may not be good for us in the long run.