I also pride myself in being in control all the time when I am in that therapist chair. Or he would have me go in the bathroom with him and he would get down on the floor and have me put a leg up on the toilet seat and then he'd get between my legs." "No, except, well, he did seem to like my ... "That second time, when he had me lie back on the edge of the bed, while I was urinating in his mouth, he lifted my legs up and started putting his finger on my ... That's where the audition was, in one of their fancy suites." "I thought that, too. He said that the cameras were going to be interested in getting lots of very wet mouth kissing and that they would want to see our tongues a lot.I am a disciplined and neutral container for anything that the client chooses to bring to the session. My own personal material or interests have no place there. I should have followed with her about the boarding house, the classes, the things she bought. you know, my other hole, and then he slid his finger in it. I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to do that." "Well, I sort of thought about it. They said they were going to select 20 girls for the project. He said that the idea was that we loved each other so much physically that we were trying to get inside each other's bodies, get the other ones' body inside of us. He said those parts should be really unhurried and gentle.
The great, forbidden taboo, the thing that is secret and hidden, is what my artist friend Jeanette calls "the poop taboo." It's a "pee taboo," too. That was my first mistake, in a way, crossing an invisible line, feeling sorry for her, making assumptions, patronizing her by lowering my fee. I can't do good therapy when I start caring as much as I was starting to for this darling girl. Very rebellious, very liberating, very unnatural, very ... I assume you mean that you would have been willing to give him your feces? This path led directly back to her childhood potty training, which is usually the original trauma, the ultimate drag in a child's develop-ment. Evans might get tired of me or something, so I kept looking in the paper for other ... things I might do in case he got weird or it didn't work out or something.
We do these unspeakable things alone, in the bathroom, with the door locked. I suppose it had something to do with that amazing, vulnerable beauty. The two books have done very well, and I've invested wisely. "There were lots of sex ads in there," she continued. " I noticed that she was shifting a little in her chair like I was. The key to loving ones self usually gets lost there. If there would be some way to do away with that shame, most of us therapists would be out of work. It wasn't easy, because I could feel all of the cells of my body developing a real interest in her bottom and how sweet it would be to ... I was saving some of the money, but I didn't want to depend on it too much, you know?
He said that he wanted us to know that we didn't have to worry about getting that money at this point, so we could relax during the audition, but he said there would be very, very big bonuses if we did a good job. As she turned from the cooler to return to her chair, she gave me the sweetest, warmest smile. It was so new and strange, letting her sort of 'make out' with me like that." "It was, really. It is my experience that the shape of a woman's mouth is a good predictor of the shape of the lips of her vagina.
I mean, I was pretty uncomfortable, like I say, sitting there because I had to go to the toilet so bad. Clarendon put his finger in my bottom he sort of dislodged things or something and it was just really hard not being able to just go to the bathroom. I imagined Darcy's sweet labia to be as delicate and ravishing as Springtime rose petals. She eased her finger out of my vagina and slid it back underneath, and I lifted myself up from the sofa a little so she could slide her finger back under there.
But something broke right then for just an instant. She was indeed a little girl, a little girl for whom some event had brought her to the very threshold of womanhood, and she wanted me to navigate for her as she traveled across that threshold. He really liked putting his finger way up inside back there. I always made sure I went to the bathroom back there before I came to meet him so it would be ... That seemed so nasty to me when I thought about it. It turned out that this guy behind it was just this kinky multimillionaire type of guy. Clarendon." "He was there greeting me when I went to the suite that day of the audition, although I didn't know at the time that he was the actual guy behind it. He said to be as creative and spontaneous as we could in how we came in contact with and exchanged each other's ... He said we would be naked on a big king-sized bed, and that there would be microphones for the sound, too. It had talked about that in the letter I got, how we had to be, you know, ready. We only had ten minutes left in the session anyway. "I feel as though you know the answer to that, Darcy.
A vivid vision leapt into my brain, completely unbidden. It was what I do best, the very work that is closest to my heart. He emphasized that it didn't have to all be perfect at all, to just take our time and try and really get into each other in a really sensual way. Actually, I was a little uncomfortable because it was one o'clock in the afternoon, and I usually go to toilet first thing in the morning. Even amid these thoughts, my loins were aching with desire for her precious body. You are a warm and lovely person with nothing in this world to be ashamed of.I could feel these smooth little clumps of her poop just inside." "How did that make you feel? She put her tongue in my ear and asked if I liked playing with her grunts, and I nodded because I couldn't really talk just then. I took my finger out and she asked me to smell it and put it in my mouth. My next two appointments of the day were an ordeal for me." The therapeutic value of that question was totally zero. I didn't know who I wanted to make love with more at the moment, Darcy or the amazing Karen. There wasn't any poop on it or anything, but I could smell it on my finger. 'See,' she said, 'it's easy,' and she giggled and took my finger and then put it in her mouth. I decided it would be too much of a let-down to tell her right away that I couldn't see her again. I was sharp, and did fine, but images of Darcy kept intruding. I had my regular Wednesday night dinner with Edna Livingston, one of my mentors, at the restaurant at the Marina, and I planned to tell her about Darcy, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to do it.The urinating part seemed really disgusting, in one way." "It made me feel sort of -- tingly, I guess, in my stomach. And then he scooted himself down and put his hands on my hips and sort of pulled me down over his face and put his mouth right on my ... He said that I was the sweetest girl he had ever seen, and that he loved drinking me. I thought, you know, wow, I can get a bank account and go to school full time. There isn't any 'normal.' The important thing is to be who you are, whatever that is, because who you are is perfect for you. "Hmm." She paused, looking out the window behind me into my garden, then looked down in her lap, fussing with the fabric of her pretty skirt. Clarendon said that the audition was going to be in the next room and told us what it was going to be like.It sort of gave me chills the way he said it." "But he said that he couldn't afford to pay me two hundred dollars every day. I didn't think too much about the other deal, the 'project,' because I have no professional experience modeling, but I thought if I could at least get the audition ... He made a big point that we weren't competing with each other at all.The vision was me, lying naked in my bed, which was in fact upstairs, approximately fifty feet from where we sat in my office, with this beautiful girl straddling my head on her knees. I knew from that moment that staying completely objective was going to be a challenge with Darcy, because she had that luscious and youthful vulnerability that made my loins stir a little as I sat across from her listening to her selfassured story. Young girls are the most disenfranchised and disempowered people in our society, and they need help to realize their true personhood. I had been drinking lots of water, too, like I got used to doing with Mr. Anyway, then he said that there was one important thing, that he had to make sure that our ... He said that if it wasn't, he would have to reschedule us. I already knew what the issue was, the resolution of the trauma of the ordeal she was beginning to describe. It sounds like you could have been walking into a very dangerous situation, but you were doing just exactly what you thought you needed to do to survive and remove yourself from a very bad situation so that you could be free to become the beautiful woman that you are. I was also really uncomfortable then because I had to go to the toilet so bad.