That doesn't always mean you're incompatible — just that we are humans, and dating can be awkward.
It can be hard to figure out what to ask without making it seem like you're interrogating your date.
Ask the following questions to help you determine if he is the one for you forever.
If you try to be too careful with what you say, this is likely to backfire.
Why: Whatever you're really passionate about, do they respect it? If you jump to an assumption that they have the same politics as you, they might feel too awkward to say that their politics are different. To take some of the pressure off during first dates, remind yourself: (a) that you each have 50% of the responsibility for how the conversation flows, and (b) you can only control how someone reacts to you to a limited extent.
Why: Are they very involved with their family of origin?
Alice's Twitter @Dr Alice Boyes photo credits: Pink Sherbet Photography, Www.
Find out early if there are reasons that “making it work” will be fraught. Select a few of these questions rather than attempt to ask them all on the same first date! For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty. Why: When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Why: If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that's likely to be a problem.
Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn't directly about them. I don’t know about you, but I am of the mind that a date should not feel like a job interview.When a well-meaning person asks, “Which famous person, living or dead, would you invite to dinner? If you have any acquaintances in common, bonus points for you. If you’re similar ages, you can discuss your feelings about Full House or The Wonder Years or the frighteningly robust POG collection languishing in your parents’ basement. I’m always poking around to see what people are reading. This might not be important to you, but it might be. Why: The main point here is not to jump to assumptions about your date's politics. Why: If your date is exploring a relationship with someone else you might want to push pause at the end of your first date but offer them the opportunity to get back in touch with you if the other relationship doesn’t work out. Especially in the age of internet dating, people sometimes meet multiple people they’re interested in around the same time. Why: This will tell you about your date’s preferences and also if they're someone who tends to reflect on experiences and can talk about their thoughts. Why: Tells you something about whether they seek out new experiences. What are your thoughts about the upcoming election (any upcoming election)?Key goals of a first date are to (a) see if you have a connection, and (b) find out if you and your date have any major areas of incompatibility. Why: Does the person have strong feelings or are they more easygoing and with milder feelings.