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Spoiler Alert: Kind of boring, possibly sexually attracted to day planners.Where to find one: Out with their friends, policing the fun. One day it’s Theravada Buddhism, the next it’s Assemblies of God. Where to find one: The clubbiest of clubs, in the middle of the dancefloor, possibly on X. Where to find one: Getting existential at some dive bar with a small but intense looking group of people who all look remotely like someone who used to babysit you.

Pickup technique: Ask them about Rilke, social justice, chai tea.ENFJ-Why you want one: They’re warm, friendly, and very concerned about your happiness.Pickup technique: Make a really boring and unnecessary statement about the progress of the night. ENFP- Why you want one: Passionate, unpredictable, absolutely always interesting. Pickup technique: Wear some bright colors, talk about how you bathed in the Ganges to get salvation, give them drugs, promise to get tantric. INFP-Why you want one: They’ll read you poetry and rub your back while you fall asleep, they have the most comfortable beds. Pickup technique: Say you think care ethics is an overlooked school of thought or that you 'really resonate’ with Joni Mitchell or anything else deep nice sounding.ESFP-Why you want one: They’re warm, easy to like, and fun to be around.ESTP-Why you want one: Know Jeremy Piven in Entourage?

Sometimes it just feels good to be around an asshole.Spoiler Alert: Followed to its logical conclusion, this personality type can also be called ‘sociopathic.' Where to find one: The clubbiest of clubs, near edge of the dancefloor where they’re looking to shove their tongue down someones throat for awhile and then have some aggressive sex before they leave without saying anything. Pickup technique: Is anyone really interested in this?Pickup technique: Maybe the easiest to pickup, just try to look good and get in their line of vision. ISTP/ISTJ-Why you want one: Not really sure you do? Maybe you have really low self esteem and don’t feel like you 'deserve’ someone interesting. Probably cares about things like 'baking’ and 'crafting.’Where to find one: Jesus, I don’t even know, doing something really boring by themselves. ESTJ-Why you want one: Might be a more reliable fuck buddy than an ESTP.Pickup techniques: Make aggressive but smart statements. Use historical examples but also throw in something about Aqua Teen Hunger Force.ESFJ-Why you want one: Literally your standard bro or prototypical 'wife material.’Spoiler alert: They’re not that interesting.They’re busy making sure everyone is happy, and stressing out about nonexistent riffs between their guests.